Fairytales of Marriage

Young couples are highly susceptible to myths about marriage. And while there are some that are common to both sexes, usually men and women have different false beliefs or fairytales about marriage that can lead to disappointment and even heartache. Marriage is not a fairytale. And believing the myths and stereotypes that accompany the state of matrimony can get in the way of your happiness. So before you head down the aisle, or if you are already married, before you go your separate ways, take a look at these common fairytales of marriage and try to get your expectations back in the land of real life.

· Marriage will fix your relationship. This is the most common fairytale about marriage. It basically goes something like this: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Girl is irritated by boy’s lack of emotional availability or willingness to commit or some other such obstacle. Boy is put off by girl’s wandering eye or insistence on a busy career and no housework or some other such obstacle. Boy and girl get engaged, thinking that after they are married, all obstacles will be cleared away by the overwhelming marital bliss.

Wrong. Marriage will not solve any of your problems. It is vital that you get this point. You must not enter into marriage thinking that the commitment before the law will somehow turn a straying partner into a faithful one. You must not think that a partner who does not place the same priority on home and family as you do will suddenly turn an about face and become the ideal spouse and stay at home parent because of a marriage license and a few vows.

When you get married, you must be willing to acknowledge that your partner will be exactly the same as before you married him or her. In fact, their irritating qualities may show themselves a bit more now that your relationship is official and permanent.

· The better your wedding, the better your marriage. Hello? Does this even make sense if you sit down and think about it? No, it does not. However, thousands of brides and grooms every year make the same mistake over and over. They focus their entire energies on the wedding ceremony and after parties and completely neglect to prepare for marriage.

The marriage is, in fact, the bulk of what this whole ordeal is about, is it not? So why do you spend all your time finding the proper attire for one day of your life and not any finding a suitable marriage counsellor to help you iron out any kinks in the relationship before you are trapped in a house together for fifty years? Spend time on working out things like chores, budgets, financial priorities, joint property, family visitation, holiday arrangements, time tables for children and how to rear them, and other important factors. Your wedding will be lovely with all the right flowers and goodies at the cake table, but if you do not spend some time preparing for a successful marriage, you might as well toss the bouquet before you walk down the aisle.

· A good marriage should not be difficult. This is a lie, plain and simple. If anyone tells you that after twenty years of marriage, they never argue, they are either lying or delusional. Marriage is a partnership of equals that involves love, passion, sex, money, and sometimes children. It involves in-laws, stepchildren, illness, fear, and perhaps a natural disaster or two. If you think you are going to get through all of this without an argument now and then, think again.

The point of an argument, though, is not to simply berate one another into agreeing. The point of an argument is to come to a better understanding about a particular issue, to grow closer to one another, and to create new guidelines for your relationship that will help it to grow and flourish. So if this is what you get out of arguments in a healthy relationship, why would you want to avoid them?

The important thing to remember is that a relationship is only successful if it changes along with the people in it. You and your spouse are going to change over time; it’s a fact of human nature. If your relationship does not grow and change along with you, you are doomed. So the rules will change. Policies will be re-evaluated. Guidelines will seem unfair and unsuitable. You will need to negotiate and really work at understanding where the other person is coming from.

Overall, marriage is a challenge. But like any challenge in life, it provides rewards that are well worth the effort.

 

 

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