Relationships often fail because we don’t understand them! Most of us have little appreciation of the elements that contribute to a happy relationship, marriage or other social union, setting us up for failure from day one. Indeed, those who do succeed in relationships tend to have little realization as to why they are succeeding until they have the benefit of hindsight to figure it out. Many others just put it down to luck…being in the right place at the right time!

The fact of the matter is that we are programmed to fail in our relationships. Our natural tendency is to do all the things that are incompatible with a stable relationship, no matter how hard we try to do otherwise. Why relationships fail is simply a by-product of human nature, but by being aware of the elements that trigger failure, we stand a much better chance of defeating them in the long run.

Here are the top five reasons why relationships fail…

1) Selfishness – Relationships are about you and your partner, not you or your partner. Making a decision in a relationship without due consideration for your partner is just absurd, and is a sure-fire way of destroying it. Both partners have equal stakes in a relationship or marriage, and therefore should have equal say. Okay, you’re not going to agree on everything, but you both have to learn to compromise if you want to build a successful relationship.

2) Dishonesty – Whether you’re hiding a dark secret from your partner, telling little “white lies” or being untrue to your feelings, dishonesty hurts relationships. The best policy in every situation is to tell the truth. Fine if you have to hold back until the right moment, but do it soon as it will otherwise prey on your mind, preventing you from fully committing to your relationship. Besides, dishonesty is almost always uncovered when you least expect it…and when you’re “found out” a big chunk of your relationship can become irretrievably damaged.

3) Superiority – For a relationship to work it should be egalitarian in nature, so both partners have an equal say. When one partner elevates themselves to be superior over the other, then failure is on the cards. Superiority can manifest itself in the inane, such as the need of one partner to always be right, to more serious situations where one partner places mental or even physical restraints on the other.

4) Being Critical – Highlighting flaws in your partner’s character, constantly blaming your partner (rightly or wrongly) for situations, and always finding fault with the things they do is a quick way to wreck a relationship. Besides, what gives you the right to destroy another person’s self esteem? Being critical in a public place to the point that your partner is humiliated is even worse. Learn to bite your tongue and adopt a more sympathetic approach if you want to avoid a relationship breakdown. You should also learn to apologize if you catch yourself being critical in an unacceptable way!

5) Abuse – Being critical can often cross the line into out and out abuse. This is perhaps the biggest reason why relationships fail, mainly because it is so widespread. Abuse does not just mean physical violence or extreme mental insult, it also includes mild forms of abuse that happen every day, such as put-downs, sarcastic comments, issuing threats or purposefully withholding affection. This can be hard to take, and along with being critical accounts for most argument flair-ups in relationships. Avoid abuse at all costs, otherwise your relationship is dead & buried!