What Sex Means to Men and Women

We all know that men and women are different in a lot of ways. And the fact that men and women thing about sex differently is probably no surprise. But the truth is that men and women also have some very similar ideas about sex that society is not so quick to acknowledge.

Everyone has a sexual drive that inspires them to seek out a mate and partner that satisfies not only their emotional and mental needs, but also their physical needs. Your attraction for your spouse is fundamental to your relationship. Without it, you would have remained friends rather than becoming lovers. Your physical attraction is, ideally, mutual. Men and women are not different in this area. They both need to be attracted to the person they marry.

However, how do women see sex in a relationship that is different from men? Women are simply wired differently than men. They have a chemical make up that instructs their brains to have specific reaction to sex: attachment. Most women find that after having sex with a man, they feel a certain amount of attachment to him, even if they did not intend to form a relationship with him. This is due to the area of the brain that is triggered during and after sexual climax. This area sends out chemicals that then trigger an emotional response.

When a woman thinks of sex in a long term relationship, she may come to think of it in terms of comfort in addition to affection and an opportunity to show love. Many women think of married sex as a source of comfort in trying times or a source of affection in times of insecurity.

For men, sex is less emotional simply due to the different reaction in the brain. This is not to say that men do not have feelings surrounding sex. They certainly do. But the emotional response is not one that is automatic as in women. Men are much more capable of casual sex without emotional consequences than women. Again, not all men engage in this practice and many men feel very strongly about having sex only with someone whom they care for in a relationship.

Once in a relationship, women get much of their affirmation and feeling of being loved through verbal affection. When a man tells a woman how he feels and affirms their relationship with words, he is satisfying her need to feel loved. When a woman does the same for a man, it does not have the same effect. This may be due to the fact that women have two verbal centers in the brain as opposed to the one verbal center in men. Whatever the reason, sex is not the primary factor in a woman’s validation in relationships.

For men, on the other hand, sex is often the primary factor in how they see their status in the marriage. If a couple is not having sex on a regular basis, the man may feel less loved. He gets much of his validation from the physical act of lovemaking, rather than from the verbal affection a woman wants.

So keep in mind that you both have the need to feel loved, and while you are different, you can combine your physical and verbal affirmations into a wonderful love life.



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