What Ruins Marriages

A marriage is a delicate thing sometimes. You may think that just because you have been together for years, your marriage is indestructible. You may think your spouse can forgive anything. Or you may thing that a little indiscretion is no big deal. Think again. Marriage can be ruined quickly or slowly over time. You can repeat small acts of destruction over a period of years or you can behave disrespectfully all at once. Either way, you can ruin your marriage before you even realize your spouse has had enough.

Obviously, a violation of trust is the most destructive force in a marriage. Your trust is the foundation of your relationship, so when one of you violates that sacred pact, you will eat away at that foundation. Trust can be violated in a number of ways. Infidelity is the most commonly talked about, but it is not the only one. You can also violate your spouse’s trust by lying. This can take the form of lying about your intentions, your whereabouts, your financial circumstances, or your past. Honesty is vital to the healthy marriage.

You can also violate someone’s trust by not living up to your word. When you tell your spouse you will do something, you should make every effort to do it. This applies to small things like meeting for dinner as well as to large things, such as financial planning and child rearing. When you tell your spouse you are committed to behaving in a certain way and then you do not follow through with it, you send your partner the message that you are not serious or you are only saying what they want to hear in order to appease them.

Anger is another corrosive element in marriages. If you know yourself to be someone with a volatile temper, you will need to keep it in check. Name calling, door slamming, and general fit throwing are not attractive, nor do they convey respect for your partner or your marriage. You need to come with some rules for arguments as a couple. Try establishing some ground rules that will prevent this kind of explosive scene. Some good rules include no name calling, no leaving storming out, and no physical intimidation.

Disrespect in general is a killer for a good marriage. If you cannot treat your spouse with respect, both at home and in public, you may want to reconsider your marriage. Loving and honouring someone may not mean that you treat them as you would want to be treated. This is a common source of difficulty. Men and women can have different ideas about what respect means, so you need to talk this over together and come up with an understanding of how you wish to be treated. For example, there may be certain topics that are disrespectful to a woman that a man is okay with discussing in public.

Finally, when you make unreasonable demands on your partner, you can wear out your marriage. You may have particular needs that you expect your partner to meet, but if you go beyond a reasonable expectation, your partner may grow to resent your demands. For example, expecting your wife to prepare dinner and have the house cleaned when she also works a full time job is an unreasonable demand. Just as unreasonable is the demand that the man be solely responsible for the discipline of children at the end of a long work day.

So be mindful of these corrosive elements in your marriage and try to keep the vows you spoke at your wedding ceremony active in your relationship.



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