“I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” It’s a common phrase that many of us have said at some point in our lives. But what motivates us to say these words?

Most of us are confused, not really knowing why we’re not ready for a relationship, and so we are unable to express our real feelings to the partner we’re dumping, much to their frustration. If we want to be involved in a successful relationship, we must first figure out exactly what we want from it, and the best way to do this is to ask ourselves some hard questions. We should allocate some time to identify what the most important relationship questions are to us, and then figure out what we must look for in a partner to provide us with the answers that we want. By doing this, we will be more confident in our own needs from a new relationship, and also be in a better position to evaluate it from a valid perspective.

So, what are the important relationship questions that we should be asking? That rather depends on you and what you want out of a relationship. After all, everyone is different! Here are some general pointers to help get you started…

Short-term fun or long-term commitment?

Too many potential long-term relationships breakdown because of a fundamental misunderstanding in what each partner wants out of the relationship. You need to decide what you want from the next relationship – short-term fun or long-term commitment. If it’s short-term, then you should be up-front about it with your partner as soon as you possibly can.

How much intimacy do you want?

Many relationships breakdown because partners fail to communicate and agree upon the level of intimacy needed in a relationship. Decide what you want out of a relationship and how much you can compromise on intimacy to meet the needs of your partner.

Do you need to hear “I Love You”?

Many people need to hear these words, especially in a long-term relationship. Do you need to hear them, or if they are required by your partner, are willing to say it loud to them?

What makes you feel secure and safe?

We all need security – somewhere or someone to turn to when things get rough. But are you prepared to confide in your partner in times of difficulty, or will you keep it bottled up? Relationships work best when both you and your partner can freely talk to each other without throwing up any barriers.

As I said, these questions are only to help get things kicked-off in your mind. Keep thinking and soon you’ll build up a complete profile of what you really want out of your next relationship. Good luck!