Honesty is vital to the healthy marriage. You probably know this already. But what most people do not stop to think about is that after several years of marriage, the important things like honesty, respect, and affection tend to slip a little. You might begin to think that talking badly about your spouse at work is no big deal since they never see him or her. Or you might start to skip that kiss before you leave every morning, assuming your spouse knows how you feel so what is the point? Worst of all, you might begin to edit what you say to your spouse and become the slightest bit dishonest in various areas.

While these little white lies may seem harmless at first, they can build up into a new way of dealing with each other that can ruin your marriage. Now, we are not talking about that little white lie you tell to make someone feel better. We are all familiar with the way you should answer someone asking how they look in an outfit, right? And we are all familiar with the correct answer for the question: was that the best ever? These little white lies are meant to build up your partner’s self esteem and help them feel secure. No harm done.

But when you start to tell little white lies about things such as your whereabouts, your companions, or your behaviour, you are treading in dangerous waters.

When you first met your partner, you may have coloured your life story a bit to make yourself more impressive. Perhaps you raised your grade average at university or flubbed the number on your pay stub a bit. You may have neglected to tell him or her about that accident you had one night with a parked car or that embarrassing evening at your friend’s bachelor party. These kinds of lies are common in dating life. The important thing is that you become very forthcoming when you get serious with your partner.

This means that you will disclose the real number on your yearly salary when asked. You will be frank about what your history is in the marriage and family department. And you will be straightforward about what your extended family is like to avoid any unpleasant surprises. This does not mean that you sit down and list all your previous partners or detail your past sexual exploits. You don’t have to delve into every nook and cranny of your past. You do need to be real about who you are and what you are about.

Once you are in a marriage, your honesty becomes even more important. You are no longer a loner out there fending for yourself and dealing with the consequences of your own actions. You are part of a team. And what you do and say has a direct affect on your spouse. So you must be straightforward with how you live your life.

When you begin to keep secrets from one another, you damage your relationship. This applies even to secrets you think you are keeping for his or her own good. For example, say that your spouse has a problem with one of your colleagues who is overly flirtatious with you on a regular basis. If one evening, you get a lift home from the office with this person, you might be tempted to tell your spouse you rode home with someone else. You might think that this little white lie would simply avoid any hurt feelings or misunderstandings. You might think that if you told the truth, you would be in for a terrible row.

However, in this case it is best to tell the truth. Being honest is not always going to be easy. But when you start with little lies, they will inevitably build into larger ones. In the example with the flirtatious colleague, you might find yourself at the holiday party at work fumbling for a reason that this person is familiar with your neighbourhood. This kind of dishonesty can easily arouse suspicions in your spouse that are actually unfounded. If you had simply told the truth in the beginning, you could avoid misunderstandings that could lead to serious marital damage.

Of course, being honest about who you are with and where you go may not always be easy. But if you want to maintain trust and respect in your marriage, it is worth the effort. So think twice before you tell that next little white lie. Honesty is the foundation of your marriage, and if you disrespect that, you destroy your relationship.