How to Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage

There is a common misconception about intimacy. Most people hear the word intimacy and think of sex. And while sexual intimacy is certainly a form of closeness and expression in a marriage, it is not all there is to intimacy. Becoming closer to the one you love is a lifelong process. Just as you grow and change over a lifetime, so does your spouse. Because of this, your intimacy will change and grow as well if you put the time and effort into caring for it on a daily basis.

Intimacy involves at its core a great deal of trust. You must have faith that your partner values the deepest parts of you in order to share them. So if you are having a real problem with intimacy, you may want to examine your ideas about trust and any obstacles that stand in the way of trust in your marriage. Some people bring an innate fear of intimacy into the marriage and find it difficult to move past this fear and continue to grow with the relationship. This is a good time to seek some professional counselling to move beyond this block.

If you find that your spouse is the one with a fear of intimacy, encourage them to seek professional help as they discover the roots of this issue and the positive steps they can take to affirm trust in your relationship. It is important not to blame a lack of intimacy on any one person. You may be tempted to place blame on your partner for a lack of sexual intimacy or a lack of emotional intimacy. Understand, however, that all human beings need intimacy with other human beings. So if your spouse is having trouble establishing that intimacy, it is not due to stubbornness or even conscious choice in some cases, but rather to unconscious patterns and fears.

If you can have an open discussion with your partner about increasing intimacy without placing blame and pointing fingers, do so. If you have trouble seeing where you play a part in the intimacy of your marriage, you might try talking it over with your partner and a mediator or life coach. Often, a third party can be a great facilitator to finding new and creative ways to move beyond your seeming limitations and fears.

Once you have decided to take some action to increase the intimacy in your marriage, there are some simple ways to do this. First, begin by remembering the aspects of your partner that you appreciate and spend time on these things. If you love the creative mind of your partner, try enrolling in a class where you can both express your creative side. Allow yourselves to bond in this new way.

If you love the intelligence or quick wit of your partner, try going to new entertainment sources rather than the same old places. Visit theatres and art film houses that offer exciting and mentally stimulating fare. You will engender opportunities for great conversation and new feelings of admiration in one another afterward.

For increased sexual intimacy, try returning your lovemaking to a spiritual level. Think about the first time you made love after you told each other you loved one another. Do you remember the spiritual intensity of that experience? Focus on recreating that by creating a loving and romantic atmosphere before lovemaking. Also try techniques that emphasize spirituality in lovemaking, such as tantric breathing exercises.

With a little bit of effort, you can increase intimacy in your marriage and start a new season of growth in your own life.



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