How to Get Your Marriage Out of a Rut

When you have been married for a long time, the same routines and habits can become tedious. You may find that you do not feel the same spark that you once felt for your spouse. You may feel that the days of laughing and discovering new things together are over. After all, when you have been together as long as you two have been, what is there that is new? Marriages that last a long time challenge the partners involved to grow and change in order to keep the relationship fresh.

There are a number of great ways to get out of a marriage rut, but you will need to think about which ones are right for you and your spouse. Just because it is a good idea for one couple does not necessarily mean that it will work for you. So spend some time thinking about these suggestions and talk them over with your spouse before deciding you have found the miracle fix.

One of the most common complaints from married couples who have been together for several years is that they never do anything different. They feel stuck in the same old habits and the same old schedules. They visit the same people and have the same conversations about the same subjects on different days. They work at the same jobs and drive the same cars. They may have lived in the same house for the entire marriage. This kind of a rut can feel suffocating when it goes on too long. So the first step in getting your marriage out of this rut is saying that you want things to change.

Talk to your spouse openly and honestly about how you are feeling. However, be cautious not to place blame. Do not, for instance, begin the conversation by saying something about how your partner never takes you anywhere special or how your spouse never cooks anything different for dinner. Be ready to take some responsibility for the rut your marriage is in. It takes two to get there and it will take two to get out. So start off by taking the credit for some habits and routines that could be causing boredom or neglect in the marriage.

If you start out by naming some areas you think you could improve, your spouse may follow suit and reveal some ideas he or she has had about their own behaviour. If they don’t, avoid the temptation to point these out. You have made a good beginning by making some of your own suggestions. Try implementing them and watch as your spouse catches on to the positive change by offering some ideas down the line.

Here are some areas that you may find helpful to examine and try new things:

· Mealtimes – If you eat the same five or six meals every week for dinner, you are going to burn out very quickly. You need to vary up your menu. If you eat at the same restaurants all the time, the same holds true for these places. Vary up your routine and add some new flavor, literally. Try a restaurant you would not normally go to because of the distance. Take the train and make an evening of it. The extra half hour travel time can be used to talk about your day or make holiday plans. If you have trouble coming up with new ideas for meals at home, have your spouse suggest something and make it together.

· Holidays – If you spend the long weekend together each season at your spouse’s family place, you probably need a change of venue. Look into reasonably priced destinations not too far from home. There are so many quaint bed and breakfasts available that you are bound to find something to suit your weekend away. On long trips, try to leave part of the time unscheduled. Wander around that day and discover new parts of town and new activities. Do whatever strikes your fancy rather than planning every moment of every day for fear of missing out.

· Special occasions – The truth is that every day you are married to the man or woman of your dreams is a special occasion. So do not wait for a birthday or an anniversary or a religious day to surprise your spouse with some attention and gift giving. Be spontaneous. Stop and buy a bouquet of flowers or a nice card that says you were thinking of him or her. Let them know that you are still as in love as the day you married.

While these are only a few areas, you can look at all the daily activities in your life together and come up with new and exciting ways to experience them together.



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