If you have been married for a long time, you know that a marriage is not the same after several years as it was in the beginning. After the wedding, there is a rush of love and affection that usually lasts beyond the honeymoon fun. The first year can be very challenging as you adjust to the needs and habits of your new partner. You may have had to recommit to the relationship when you saw how much work it was really going to take. But now that you have been in it for a while, are things starting to go flat?

If you answer yes to this question, you may have also wondered if your spouse still feels the same way about you as he or she did in the beginning. This is not an uncommon fear among married people. The years of compromises and child rearing and work demands can really put some stress on your marriage. You may not have much time for romance or intimacy anymore. Or you may feel that your drive to pursue those things has diminished.

Whatever the state of your marriage, there might be some ways to tell if your spouse is still in love with you. First of all, there are signs that someone is thinking of you in that way that are as simple as cards and gifts. If your spouse still gives you romantic cards on certain holidays, the sentiment is probably sincere. If you get gifts or tokens of affection for no reason, you can also be fairly sure that your spouse is in love with you.

Another way to tell is by simply asking. You may think that you will get a pat answer, but you might be surprised. If you sit down with your spouse and tell them that you have been considering your relationship and the changes that have taken place over the last few years, you can start a discussion. Bring the changes in your romantic life and the lack of time or attention that is causing you to doubt your partner’s feelings. Then ask them if they are having some problems in the marriage they have not yet stated.

This discussion will be fruitless if you start out the conversation with a statement that makes your spouse feel guilty or blamed for the state of your relationship. So instead of finger pointing, try to name some ways in which your relationship used to be fun or romantic or exciting that included both of you. Ask if there is anything that your partner wants to talk about, or if there is anything they have been concerned about that has gone unsaid. This will feel like an invitation to be honest, so let your partner really do that.

Do not interrupt to disagree or get defensive. Let them speak. And remember that just because your partner has concerns, does not mean their feelings toward you have changed. Their needs in the relationship can change without disturbing their love for you.