Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

In any marriage, fights are inevitable. There will always be things that you disagree about. Your differing opinions are part of what makes you interesting to one another. If you were too much alike, things would get boring. You need to have some variety in your relationship and being different from your spouse, having different likes and dislikes, different interests, and different opinions all make your life more interesting. However, they can also turn into arguments now and then.

When it comes to arguing, you need to have some priorities, some guidelines for yourself that will help you stay away from fruitless fights. Needless arguments can cause serious damage to your marriage. So it is important to learn what is worth fighting for and what is not. You have to be able to separate the important issues from those daily disagreements that are bound to happen due to your differences.

Too many people get involved in a relationship thinking they can change the person they have chosen to be with. Remember that your partner will always have different views than you do in certain areas. Even if you convince them to think the way you do about a specific topic, there will always be something else that you disagree on. So don’t waste your breath trying to change their views.

Take politics for example. Many couples share the same basic political leanings. However, you may find that there are certain topics that you differ on. Some of these topics may be very important to you and you may be tempted to try and change your partner’s viewpoint. Don’t give in to this temptation. It is perfectly acceptable to share your opinions with one another, but keep the arena open. Do not set up a dynamic where anytime your spouse brings up their opinion on something, you try to convince them, subtly or otherwise, to change it.

Other areas that are common ground for useless fights are housework, scheduling, and even control. Small areas of control can make for big fights. Who is in control of the television remote can become a heated argument in some households. Is this really worth the damage you might cause to your relationship? Think about the kind of harm you may cause your spouse when you are yelling at them or using sarcasm against them in an argument about who has the better driving directions to your destination.

Avoid arguing about these small, petty issues. Remember that you do not have to react to every bad feeling you have. If you are frustrated about the remote control, the household chores, or other small issues, try to take a moment to put things in perspective. Ask yourself a couple of quick questions.

First, how important is this really? You should be able to identify immediately how important a topic is to you. Compare it to other issues that you know are important, such as showing respect and infidelity. You will quickly see how important this is and whether or not it is worth getting bothered about.

Second, ask yourself how you can resolve this issue without arguing. You may need to simply let it go. Let your spouse control the remote and try to compromise on the programs you watch. Relax and allow them to drive the way they feel is best rather than worrying about the couple of minutes your route might shave off your trip. You can also mention the options without being defensive and see what happens.

Your marriage is a precious thing. Don’t treat it like it is invincible. It is not. It requires care and consideration to survive and thrive. So don’t sweat the small stuff.



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