Being Apart Is Good for Your Marriage

Too much of a good thing can get irritating. Too much sugar makes you wired; too much sunlight makes you sunburned; and too much wine makes you sick. The same principle holds true for the good people in your life. Your favorite person in the entire world will get irritating after too much time spent together. So if you are married to your favorite person, and we hope you are, then you need to consider your time apart as a necessary function of a successful marriage.

When you are first married, you may feel that you cannot get enough of each other. You want to see your partner and talk with them all the time. You want to touch and hold each other without ceasing. You think the way your partner makes a loud gulping noise when he or she swallows is cute. You find that late night binge eating endearing. And the socks all over the place just remind you of how close you two have become.

But after a while, even the most endearing habits can grate on a person’s nerves. Sharing personal space is difficult, even for the best of friends. And often, the closer you are to the person you are living with, the more difficult it becomes. This is due to the fact that you take things for granted. If you were sharing space with a stranger, you would be extra careful about where you left your dirty under things and you would put your dishes in the sink every time. But when you live with someone you love, you assume a certain amount of tolerance on their part.

In addition to the everyday annoyances of living together, couples often experience a burn out when it comes to talking to their new spouse. You go over everything about your day and you know exactly what the other person is going to say. This can get old. Your partner’s complaints about politics, their opinions on the way people behave, and their day-to-day details about work can start out as interesting and intimate details you want to share. Eventually, you may become tired of hearing the same complaints and opinions over and over.

There are plenty of reasons to spend some time apart. Domestic irritation and the need for a broader social spectrum are only two. But in the end, it is wise to schedule some time apart from each other just as you would schedule time together. You need the time away from each other to break what could become the monotony of spending so much time with one person.

You also need to get some perspective on things. When you talk to friends or family members about the things you discuss with your partner, you get a fresh perspective that challenge you to look at your own beliefs and assumptions. If you are only exposed to one person’s viewpoint all the time, this cannot happen.

Remember the things that brought you together with your partner. You may have liked his or her sense of independence, intelligence, worldliness, artistic ability, or sense of humor. All of these traits must be fed by regular contact with others. By spending all your time with your spouse, you begin to neglect the very things your partner finds attractive about you.

So spend time apart and enrich yourself so you can go back and have a fuller and deeper connection than ever before.



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