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When You Suspect Your Spouse of Cheating – Should You Spy?

“Immoral”…”unethical”…”just plain wrong.” These are the words and phrases we often hear applied to spying, whether it’s national intelligence and counter-intelligence, industrial espionage, or trying to “get the goods” on a spouse you’re afraid may be having an affair.

Is spying an invasion of privacy? A cheating spouse will tell you it is, crying, “How could you? This is none of your business. I don’t go behind your back!”

But wait…if your husband or wife is having an extramarital relationship, you’re not the “bad guy” for trying to find out the truth by any means possible. An adulterer seldom admits his/her clandestine behavior, and, in fact, does everything possible to keep the “dirty little secret” as hidden as possible.

So what alternative is there but to do a little “detective work”?

If you’re concerned that you’re destroying the “integrity” of your marriage by your actions; don’t be. If your spouse is engaged in an extramarital relationship, it’s the affair that has destroyed your marriage, not the so-called “spying” you had to do to find out the truth.

There are other reasons to spy, as well, some more “therapeutic” than others:

People Spy to Confirm Their Suspicions
If you’ve been suspicious about your spouse’s behavior, it’s likely that you’re in a constant state of uncertainty, especially if you’ve confronted the suspected cheater and he/she denied your allegation. One minute you’re sure there’s “someone else,” and the next minute you tell yourself, “It’s all in my head.” If you’ve sensed something is wrong, chances are that you’re not crazy. And the only way you can prove that to yourself, is to investigate.

People Spy to Stay Connected
When one partner is having an affair, the other partner may sense a growing distance, a lack of intimacy, and contact. Afraid of confrontation and unable to bear the feelings of increased isolation, the non-cheating spouse may ask a private eye to provide information on the cheater’s comings and goings as a way to feel connected. Also, as long as long as the issue is “under surveillance,” there’s no need for any action to be taken. This is one reason that some people don’t move forward towards divorce even after a private investigator shows them photographs and other “proof.”

People Spy to Protect Themselves – In the Courtroom
If you learn that your spouse has been lying to you regarding his/her sexual fidelity, it is only natural to become concern that there have been other deceptions in the marriage, perhaps in the financial area. If the affair is going to cause the break-up of your marriage, having “evidence” of your spouse’s infidelity can help you in court.

People Spy to Protect Themselves – In the Doctor’s Office
When a spouse is cheating, he/she may willingly (or unknowingly) ignore the possibility of contracting and spreading a sexually transmitted disease, from herpes to HIV-AIDS. Your right to protect your health is greater than the cheater’s right to privacy.

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