Don’t Let Others Ruin Your Marriage

As a married couple, you probably have a number of other demands on your time besides simply existing in marital bliss. The obligations you have to work, family, and children can be very taxing on your time and energy. If you have children, you know that finding time to spend with your spouse is difficult, and once you do your energy level may be so low you cannot enjoy yourselves. Of course, even without kids, family obligations demand a great deal of time and emotional commitment. And one of the biggest stressors of all is work.

With all the other people in your life, it is important to remember that you have to give your marriage the priority in order to keep it strong. If you work long hours for a demanding boss, you may feel that you have no choice but to spend most of your waking hours with your colleagues rather than with your spouse. However, this is not necessarily true. There are times when it is necessary for you to take a stand and decide for yourself what is most important in your life. If you want to maintain a good relationship with your partner, certain sacrifices must be made.

Talk to your spouse about your concerns and try to establish a specific time or two during the week when you can get together for private time. Set a date night for every Saturday or plan to do lunch together every Wednesday. The important part of setting these dates is not the agreement, but the commitment. You must be willing to stick to your word and show up, no matter what is happening at the office.

Showing up for your spouse does not just mean being present physically. It also entails being present emotionally and mentally. If you are carrying your entire work stress home with you, the people you with and for are still getting your attention above your spouse. So do your best to leave those things at the office and focus your attention of your loved one.

Your family members and friends may also demand much of your time. While it is important to have a social life outside of your marriage, it is also important to draw the line when this social activity becomes intrusive on the health of your marriage. You will know this is the case when you begin to resent your family and friends when they call to see you or when your spouse’s friends call. This is the time to sit down together and have an open discussion about how much time you want to spend together and how to accomplish that.

Perhaps the most demanding people in your life are your children. They require your attention full time in the beginning. If you are the parents of an infant, you may feel that it is impossible to spend any quality time together without the baby or without falling asleep. This is the time to ask for help. Remember those pesky family and friends? You should take them up on offers for support. Let someone sit with the child for an evening and go out. If you feel that you are not ready to leave the baby with someone, try having a relative or friend come over and sit with the child in the nursery while you two watches a video or spend other quality time together.

If you have older children, you can certainly find one night a week to be away from them. It will do them good as well to learn to socialize with other people and be separated from you without a fuss. In addition, providing children with an example of a healthy marriage is more beneficial to them than constant attention. They need to see what it takes to have a healthy relationship, and they need to see it at home.

Children can also be a stressor on your marriage in other ways. Differences in child rearing philosophies can cause a rift between couples. Try to sit down and talk openly about his subject. Start by listing some things you have in common. Perhaps you both want to enjoy dinner with the entire family every evening during the work week. Or perhaps you both want to attend all your children’s school functions. These commonalities will be the foundation of your successful agreement.

Once you see what you have in common, listing your differences should not be as hard. If you have trouble coming to agreement on important matters, such as punishments methods, seek some advice from a professional.

 

 

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