We have all seen the movies where the husband calls the wife to say he is working late. Then the camera cuts to a view of him and his secretary in a compromising position at work. The idea of workplace affairs for both men and women is not new. It is so common in fact that it has become cliché. You spend most of your time with the people you work with. Most likely, you see your colleagues more than you see your spouse. So how do you avoid this traditional marriage pitfall?
The first thing to do is to get honest. If you have the intention to cheat, you are going to do it no matter where you are. If you are thinking of cheating, you need to address the problems behind that desire rather than simply avoiding anyone of the opposite sex. Talk out any problems you have with your partner and be sure that you clear the air. Relating your desire to be with someone else is probably not a good idea here, but be honest about everything else. If you cannot get to the root of the problem, seek some couple’s counselling for a few weeks to help.
If you have no intention of cheating, but are feeling dissatisfied in your relationship, take stock. Remember all the reasons that you married your spouse. Make a list if you have to. Bring pictures of them to work and place them on your desk. Try having lunchtime trysts or at least meals together once in a while to satisfy your need for attention. Again, try to discover the root of your dissatisfaction in order to treat it before it leads you to look elsewhere for affection and validation.
Often, affairs occur when a partner is feeling low in the self-esteem area. You may feel that your spouse does not appreciate you or desire you the same way as when you were newly married or dating. This is a natural progression in relationships but can often feel like a let down. So talk this out with each other. Try to come up with new ways to show affection. Set specific date nights and stick to them. Make plans to have new experiences together, such as trips and artistic endeavors.
If you are feeling attracted to someone at work and the feelings are returned, you may need to take some evasive measures. Do not spend time at work alone with this person. Sure, you may love your spouse, but temptation is too much for the best of us at some point. Be very clear in your behavior that you are only interested in a professional relationship. Just talking up your spouse all the time and then flirting like mad with someone is not enough. You need to modify your behavior to quell the feelings.
If you have a solid marriage based on openness and honesty, you should be able to resolve any issues you have together or with the help of a trained counsellor. Remember that affairs are usually not about the third person, but signal an underlying problem.
